A Decade with Children

Tomorrow is my little girl's official tenth birthday, although we have been celebrating in small ways all weekend.

It just occurred to me that R. and I have now been married with kids for about the same length of time we were married without kids.

That is amazing.

It would not be a fair question for one to ask which decade I liked the best. For one reason, the memories of this second decade have almost wiped out the memories of that first decade.

For another reason - that first decade was not completely a joyful one.

R. and I started habits or ways of thinking, or ways of acting toward one another during those early years that culminated into an almost tragic seventh year.

I remember thinking "how did our marriage get into this shape?" ... there were numerous times that we could not seem to find a kind word for one another. I was a little like Paul when he said, the thing I should do - I don't; and the thing I hate - that I do. I knew that the patterns we were locked into were detrimental but I couldn't seem to step out of them.

Thankfully, God had other plans. . . plans for a future and a hope.

He sent friends that came alongside and helped us when we were utterly helpless. He taught us, through a small group, through books that we read, through His Word, through His voice in our prayers of introspection. He did not give up on our marriage when I thought I was about to - and was pretty sure R. already had.

Even after some period of restoration, we still had problems but we had some tools to work with toward fixing them.

Then in 1996, it all fell through. Our journey back seemed to have disappeared and we were back in desperation mode.

Somehow God used that end as a starting point for us to rebuild. . . and He did it.

By the end of the summer we were a new couple. Not too long after that, we wanted to have children - for the first time in our marriage, the time seemed right.

We struggled through two miscarriages, but God was with us to comfort and heal.

Then along came Ab in January of 1999.

I won't tell you that things have been perfect since then; our marriage still requires maintenance. But it has been a glorious time having a family.

I started this post with an idea of dedicating it to my little girl - my "fountain of joy".

But fresh from hearing news of another couple among our connections that is experiencing trouble in their marriage - the foregoing thoughts seemed to present themselves instead.

If you are reading this and you are at one of those desperation places in your own marriage - take hope.

Other folks have been right where you are, and I can vouch for the fact that even if you do not have the strength to fight for your marriage - God does.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

Take heart.