Clunker Cash

Well, early into it's inception - the government's "Cash-for-Clunkers" program went bust.

Who would have thunk it?

A government program

that gave away money

garnering a lot of attention...

...and running out of money.

Lawmakers almost immediately spun the program as a great success!
The Senate, in her infinite wisdom has seen fit to keep the program afloat a little longer.

I have some very deeply held philosophical reasons for disliking the program, but I am casting those aside for the sake of harmony.

Instead, I would like to offer some suggestions for some additional ways the government can give away something for nothing:



Cash-for Cluckers!

This program should be able to succeed solely on the fact that it sounds so much like the other one! Chickens are often raised on farms where there are often cows - long known to leave huge carbon foot-prints with their production of methane gases... and chicken leavings are chocked full of nitrogen; there's no telling what that's doing to our environment - not to mention the bottom of our shoes!

Cash-for-Klackers!

Klackers - those of you old enough to remember when this fad swept the nation, will also remember that soon after they became so popular -their insidious dangers were revealed. These very loud, weapon-like toys could shatter sending small glass slivers flying at high velocity all across the playground. If there are any left, it would be a good idea to collect them before someone gets hurt. Thank you, federal government, for once again protecting us from things we are too stupid to understand!

Cash-for-Klingers

If I remember right, this guy was around during our last "Malaise Adminstration", I guess it would be nice for all those folks waxing nostalgic for the last Carter Administration to pull out their autograph pictures of Corporal Klinger and turn them in for cash.

Cash-for-Clogs?
"Now you can turn in your clump of drainage clog for cash"? I don't know...

Cash-for-Clogs!

If your arches haven't fallen from wearing these the first go round, its only right that you should be able to trade in the old ones for cash toward a new pair.

Cash-for-Cloggers?!

Wouldn't it be fun to turn in all your clogging friends? And think how much quicker you'd get served at Denny's on a Saturday night!

Cash-for-Coopers?
...ah...maybe not . . . but what about....

Cash-for-Cooper?

...you're right, who'd pay money for that....

Cash-for-Spelunkers?

Cash-for-Punkers?

That's about all the ideas that I have for now; although we could combine the Cash-for-Clunkers program with the "rat-out-your-friends" program on flag@whitehouse.gov ... the program would pay cash to people who turn in their friends that speak out against universal healthcare legislation - call it Cash-for-Debunkers.